


Finally Okay

by Providence26



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drabble, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Moving On, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 10:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21252278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Providence26/pseuds/Providence26
Summary: If you are a longtime follower of my fic blog, then you know I use this to work out my issues over relationships. I haven’t written fic in awhile, mainly through a combination of firstly being too happy, loving life, subsequently just feeling numb.Have you ever broken up with someone that you were deeply in love with? It is devastating, knowing that the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, couldn’t be, because the way they loved you hurt too much.Knowing that you are hurting them as much as you are hurting, but you can’t change your mind, because it will destroy you more than you already are, it’s beyond what I have the words to describe.This fic was born out of all of that.But...I think, finally, I am going to be ok after all.





	Finally Okay

It had been a shock, seeing Alex again. It had also been a wonderful surprise, she had forgotten the effect that Alex had on her. Not quite right, she had intentionally pushed away over time the knowledge of the effect Alex had. Remembering Alex brought up equal measures of pain, desire and longing, and none of that was conducive to getting through her days, especially when Alex was routinely thousands of miles away, and untouchable.

She was untouchable in other ways, the aloofness that earned her the nickname The Ice Queen was something Alex took pride in once she found out about it.

She knew Alex would always affect her, there would always be a deep well of love inside of her that was only for Alex, but loving Alex came with obstacles that were perilous to her heart, the sudden departures that would leave her alone for months, sometimes years. The returns, followed by a complete lack of communication or a refusal to acknowledge any of the damage caused, pointing only to the damage that had been done to Alex.

It was maddening, and Olivia Benson had far too much of a self-preservation instinct to deal with this repeatedly or for very long. She had called time on their relationship after the last disappearance; it was too much, just when she thought they were heading for something lasting, something official.

The hurt that was caused by her decision was obvious, It was apparent that Alex though she would be there throughout all the bad behavior, all the being taken for granted, deal with all of the harsh words and mood swings. Olivia took no pride in causing that hurt; there was no warm glow that she had been the one to strike the final blow. After all, that final blow crushed her own dreams for the future and her heart too.

But seeing Alex again today took her breath away, seeing her fight for someone else, seeing her take risks, she had always loved Alex best at those moments, watching her be fearless on behalf of those who were afraid.

Fin had caught up with her after that, confronted her about Alex. He had seem worried that she was going to relent and take Alex back, he had been privy to her feelings over Alex, more so than anyone else, certainly more than Elliott, who had always used her feelings against her. Fin always kept everything to himself, she couldn’t ask for a better confidant. He had her back in so many ways. He knew that Alex would always be her weakness, and it would never change regardless of how much time passed. This time she was able to reassure him that she understood herself enough to know that she was strong on her own, that she wasn’t going to repeat past mistakes. 

When she met his eyes, she knew she would have to acknowledge how much she missed Alex, and how much she did desire her presence in her life, and the friendship. Oh God, how she missed the friendship. Alex had been the only lover she had had that had also been a friend. The loss of both brought her to her knees at the time. Olivia Benson was nothing if not a fighter and a survivor. She wasn’t about to stop now. It mollified him enough to leave her office. It left her, with a lot of swirling emotions, but she knew, after all this time, all this heartache and grieving, she was finally okay.


End file.
